Results from the social experiment

It was about a month ago that I decided to venture into the dating world here in Mumbai, and I think I'm ready to call it quits with this social experiment.  Have I met some fun people, generated some interesting stories and seen the city through different perspectives?  Absolutely.  All the same, it's been a time-consuming endeavor, and I only have two weeks left here, and I'd prefer to spend that time with my existing friends and romantic entanglements, rather than going on more bad first dates. 

I think it's safe to say that I have collected enough data points to come to some preliminary conclusions as to the differences between dating here in Mumbai and dating in the US.  My experiment had its limitations, so I feel the responsibility to caveat this entire post with the following: my experiences here were not necessarily indicative of the local dating scene in Mumbai.  I am a foreigner, and every date I went on was colored by that fact.  Now, it's time to present my findings.  I've divided them up between things that are the same between the US and Mumbai and things that are different...

Things that are the same:

• The standard, go-to option for first dates is weekday drinks.  People don't want to commit to a full meal with a person or give away one of their precious weekend nights with a stranger, so this seems to be the safest option to test the waters and see if there's chemistry.  If the chemistry is present, then drinks almost always turn into dinner and drinks.
• Some guys are gentlemen; others are not.  Some men will open doors for you, wait for your food to arrive before they start eating, insist that you take the comfortable chair if the seating options are not optimal, make sure you get home safe, call you the day after a date, etc.  Others will walk through the door first, forget to hold it open for you, and then when the wind blows it shut and you're standing there struggling to keep a grip on the handle, only then do they turn around and say "whoops."
• Dudes will be dudes.  Even if they don't like you very much, they're going to try to get into your pants.  It's the ones that show you that they actually like you and care for you as a person that are worth going on a second date with.  Personally, I appreciate someone who takes his time in getting to know me first before he tries anything, which is why so many of my dates here have struck out when they made a move on the first date (and let's not even mention Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On The Weekends - yikes)...
• Some men are intimidated by confident, successful women.  I've now been told by people on multiple continents that I am intimidating.  Seriously?  Me?  The girl who forgot to brush her hair this morning?  (don't worry - I made it look presentable with a braid)  Anyway, apparently the fact that I exude some sort of confidence and level of intellect is scary for men, since they're not used to interacting with a date who challenges them.  Of course, I've been able to find men that can handle these traits in me on both continents (plus Australia), but there are plenty of others who won't even consider approaching me.  Oh well - it's their loss...
• People are terrified of long distance relationships.  Even though the guys I've been meeting on InterNations and Couchsurfing are perfectly aware of the fact that I am only seeing them casually, several have felt the need to make reference to the fact that they would never enter into a long distance relationship.  Don't worry, fellas, as charming as you are, I have no intention of tying you down from afar. 

Things that are different:

• Two words: arranged marriages.  This is one of the most striking differences between the two countries.  Not only are arranged marriages still a popular option here, but people in my generation are in favor of them and would even consider entering into one!  I'm not one to call myself a romantic, but I'd prefer to, you know, love my husband before I marry him (I know, crazy, right?).  Many of the guys that I've gone out with here are in the "sowing their oats" phase of their lives before settling down.  For these men, it's easy to infer why they are asking me - a white foreigner - out.  There are definitely some strong stereotypes around white American women here that I've had to deal with, and for these men, they're just looking to have fun with as many women as possible before their parents find them a suitable match. 
• Indian women tend to be clingy and demanding while in relationships.  While I'm hesitant to make such a generalization, the fact is that this theme has arisen in numerous situations and iterations throughout my time here.  This is the most commonly cited reason that men give for seeking out western women to date - they're sick of dealing with Indian women.  Some guys have told me stories of women that will call them 17 times in a row, or will demand to know where they are every minute of the day, or who hand out ultimatums like the city of Chicago hands out parking tickets.  It sounds exhausting to date such a person, so I don't blame these guys for looking elsewhere for company.  That being said, however, I don't see any of my female Indian friends behaving in this way with their boyfriends, so I'm wondering how much of what I'm hearing from the guys is exaggeration.
• Divorce is not an option.  Yes, divorces do take place here, but the reason behind the divorce better be a damn good one if it's going to be accepted by the courts.  Your husband is having an affair?  Deal with it.  Your wife nags you all the time?  That's what you signed up for.  You fell out of love with your spouse?  So what - you don't have to love someone to be married to them.  There is no such thing as "irreconcilable differences" in India - you made a lifelong commitment, and you're sticking with it no matter what.
• There is no such thing as a "girlfriend" or a "boyfriend" - only "friends."  If I had actually gotten to the point with a guy where I was his "girlfriend" and he were to introduce me to his parents, they would not refer to me as anything other than his "friend."  Parents don't really recognize romantic relationships here until someone's put a ring on it.  Once you're engaged, then you're welcomed into your bethrothed's family as a full member of it.  So on your engagement day, you go from being "my son's friend" to "beloved daughter."  It's quite the leap...
• PDA is not practiced.  People don't kiss in public - period.  I don't see couples holding hands, hugging, or really even touching each other either.  Some couples are stricter about it than others, but in general you don't see any physical affection in public.  It's considered improper and vulgar here, so people just don't do it.
• Homosexuality is not culturally accepted here.  No one in India is "out and proud."  Very few people are out at all, actually.  The culture hasn't accepted homosexuality, so these people keep their love lives private.  It's really sad, but I guess the states isn't all that much better...
• The expectation for women is for them to be "good girls" - no drinking, smoking, cavorting with men they're not related to, etc.  Parents don't want their daughters out there dating - they want them to be finding a husband (which is a separate activity, yes).  Some women here feel the need to portray themselves publicly as these innocent, naive angels, when behind closed doors they live in the 21st century and act like it.  The worst part of all of it is that many guys enjoy the company of the girl who likes to go out and have fun, but then go off to an arranged marriage with their "ideal" woman who hasn't been out of the house since she hit puberty.  As long as there is demand for this fictional idealized female persona, women will continue to impersonate it to attract a suitable husband. 
• Indian men are spoiled by their parents.  I gave the joking nickname of "Mr. Pampered Man-Child" to one of my dates, but in actuality all of them could have fit that description, at least to some extent.  I can't even tell you how many of the men I've dated (and even a couple of my friends) have asked me to cook them dinner.  Why aren't any of them offering to cook me dinner?  Oh right, because they can't cook.  Men here tend to live with their parents until they get married - and even beyond that in some cases.  That means that their mothers have been there to cook for them, clean up after them, and cater to their every need well into their 20s.  This makes it slightly more difficult for me to take a guy seriously here.  After all, one of the most attractive qualities in a man for me is his ability (and willingness) to do the dishes.  Yes, that's entirely because I hate doing dishes, but hopefully you still get my point...

Well, I hope you've enjoyed reading about my dating adventures here as much as I've enjoyed writing about them.  It's not the same as my "Drama Down Under" stories (credit goes to Kim Young for the title), but hopefully equally entertaining.  I'm going to continue seeing the guys that I've already gotten to know but won't be responding to any new requests for dates.  It's time to retire the spreadsheet and enjoy my last couple weeks here with the people I've come to know and care about most.

For the record, if you are on the spreadsheet, there's no way in hell you're ever getting a copy of it.  For all others, let me know if you want to see it and I'll email you...