This is the busiest my dating life has been since...well, ever. Even back in my college days when I was frat party hopping every weekend, I'm pretty sure I was never dating 6 guys at once. Yes, you read that right - 6 guys. There are #'s 7 and 8 trying hard to get onto my schedule, too, but I don't have a free day or night until next week. Plus about a billion others contacting me trying to get into the rotation of texting, chatting on the phone, emailing, etc. With all this going on, I have to be honest - it's getting to be a bit overwhelming.
Admittedly, there is a lot of room for error in the way I'm approaching dating here. I'm starting to forget the various stories that I've told to each guy, and so worry about repeating myself. I'm losing track of who I've met on which site (Couch surfing or InterNations), and so yesterday Mr. Bollywood Heartthrob was asking me where I met the guy I went out with last night, and I said "Couch surfing...the same place I met you." He replies with "Actually you met me on InterNations." Whoops. Awkward. At least I didn't forget his name or something actually important, but it's still a bit embarrassing.
To keep track of all the information flying at me, I've created an Excel sheet for my dating life. Those of you who know my love for Excel will not be at all surprised by this. The sheet keeps track of key things like names, ages, places they live, their jobs, and various topics we've discussed. There's also a "verdict" column where I indicate whether I would agree to go out with the guy or not. The number of guys I've been conversing with is up to somewhere around 30 now, so I think you can all agree that my tracking sheet is necessary.
I'm being very straightforward in the way that I handle this "poly-amorous" (as one of my dates phrased it - hilarious) approach to dating. I make sure that each guy knows that I'm seeing other people, and surprisingly they all seem to be ok with it. Granted, I don't think any of them see long-term potential with me since they know I'm leaving soon, so instead of winning my heart, their focus becomes more about making sure to get enough time on my calendar, since they are competing for slots with the other guys I'm seeing.
I've been forced to institute a filtering process for deciding with whom to meet up. It's not very rigorous - after all, you can't tell much about chemistry or charm without meeting a person face-to-face. However I do have some loose criteria that a guy must meet before I agree to spend time with him. First, he has to pass the "smell" test. I look him up on LinkedIn and sometimes Facebook to confirm that his online presence mirrors what he's told me about himself. In one case, I'm pretty sure the guy is married because his Facebook profile is only a couple months old, he has 26 friends in total and 25 of them are cute females that I'm guessing he met on Couch surfing. Also the name on his Facebook profile is "Aviator Dinghy" but his real name is "Sanjay Kumar." Yeah...there's something fishy going on there, so I won't be meeting up with that guy. Second, he has to be cute. Sorry guys, but I have too many suitors to not screen by attractiveness. Third and finally, he has to have a good or interesting job. This has little to do with money (since I'm perfectly capable of paying my own way, thank you very much), but it's more to do with the job indicating the level of intellect and the quality of conversation that will come from the guy.
I have to admit that my screening process isn't foolproof. Last night is a perfect example. I went out with a guy, who I haven't yet mentioned on the blog, but let's call him Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On Weekends. The reason I give him this name is because the photos he sent me prior to meeting made him look very hip and metro, and it wouldn't take a giant imaginative leap to picture him imitating Jared Leto or Johnny Depp and wearing eyeliner as a fashion statement. Deciding to make the judgment for myself in person, I ran him through the checklist. First - his online presence matched up with what he told me. Second, he is an attractive guy. Finally, he has a good job - he heads the credit-risk group for one of the major banks here in Bombay. We chatted and texted for a couple days, and he seemed normal enough. He told me that he usually stays in on weeknights, so I honestly was expecting him to be kind of conservative and boring (except for the possible eyeliner habit). Boy, was I wrong.
Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On Weekends started off the night with one red flag, which should have warned me what was coming. He suggested going to a bar in Bandra called Lagerbay, mentioning "they have ladies night on Tuesdays so that should be fun." My general understanding of the concept of ladies night is that women come in for free or cheap drinks, and men come to the bar to hit on the women who are boozing. It doesn't exactly seem the right place to bring a date, don't you think? I shrugged it off and agreed to meet him there, since maybe it's just a fun crowd that caused him to make the suggestion. Once we're at the bar, though, it becomes obvious that he was indeed there to check out all the ladies in the place. He seated himself in a position where he could see every woman that walked into the bar, and he proceeded to give each of these lucky ladies the old up-and-down with his eyes as he's pretending to listen to my witty and charming anecdotes. I suppose I'm the luckiest lady of them all since I got to sit there for several hours enduring this rudeness.
He eventually does start focusing his gaze on me when the conversation turns from intellectual topics to scandalous ones. We start talking about my dating life and the adventures I've been experiencing by seeing multiple men here. My "keep everything casual" attitude seems to interest him - VERY much. I'm in the middle of telling him a story about one of my suitors (Mr. Harmless Sociopath) who was being a drama queen by intentionally trying to piss me off by asking me which of my friends he should ask out once I leave for the states. He wasn't actually serious about wanting to ask out my friends - he was just testing me to see what my reaction would be. My response to this question had been "Ask out whoever you want, just don't ask me to set you up with anyone. That's a little bit too much like a 70's key party for my taste..." Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On The Weekend then takes this statement and decides it's an appropriate segue to discussing some stories from his dating life - how he's a swinger. Yes, THAT kind of swinger.
I've never met anyone who so freely admitted to having this...um...adventurous (?) lifestyle, so I take the opportunity to ask him as many questions as I can imagine. How does one find people to swing with? Who is his partner that he takes to these events? How did he decide that it was something he wanted to try? How exactly do the logistics work? Nothing was off the table, since if this guy was going to share all the dirty details with me, I was certainly going to keep asking questions. After all - I have scores of people to entertain on my blog! I definitely didn't tell him I'd be posting any of this, though - thankfully he doesn't have the link.
It turns out that this guy swings with a female friend of his who is similarly adventurous. He just "had a thought" one day that it's something he might like to try, so he went online and found some websites that cater to this type of thing. He and his friend screened several couples - apparently it's ok to be choosy in this type of situation, and you need to make sure that all parties are attracted to each other before going through with it. His first experience was with a couple from Delhi who were in Mumbai on holiday - they were married 5 years and had decided to start experimenting with their bedroom lives. Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On The Weekends went with his "friend" to their hotel room and there they had their...adventure. Apparently strip poker is the easiest way to get the process started.
These revelations have me stunned - after all, he seemed like a boring banker with minimal social life. How did I end up hearing about sleeping with multiple partners at once? He looked so innocent and normal when I first met him - he was wearing his work clothes, including a tailored white button-down collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, which is my absolute favorite look on a guy. He drives a Prius - in India - for crying out loud! How did he end up being so...unconventional? I ask him if his friends or colleagues would believe any of these stories about him if they were to hear them through the grapevine, and he shook his head with a definitive no. "I can't tell anyone I'm close with about the stuff I do in the bedroom - they would judge me. You're a stranger and you're the only person I've told about the swinging except for the people I do it with, since you won't judge me." Sorry, buddy, but you need to revise your expectations: I'm DEFINITELY judging you right now...
Now, if you're thinking that the conversation can't get any worse, you'd be wrong. Once he's finished answering my questions about the whole swinging lifestyle, I ask him what the next adventure on the docket is for him. He then starts telling me how he wants to have a threesome and how his female swinger friend has agreed to be one participant, and he's found the third participant on one of his dirty websites. The surprise is that the third participant isn't a girl, it's a guy! Apparently the female involved would only agree to a threesome if it involved herself and two guys, and Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On The Weekends is so desperate to experience three people in bed at once that he is going along with it. He was quick to clarify that he's not bi - he won't be doing anything with the guy, just doing things to the girl at the same time as the other guy is as well.
And then, it happens. The conversation turns from being about him to being about me, and he starts trying to convince me that this swinging lifestyle is something that I should participate in as well. Apparently the threesome he's arranged was supposed to happen last week, but his female friend is travelling for work, and so he's looking for a replacement. It's around this point that I stop being entertained and start being really grossed out, so I finish my drink and tell him I need to go home because I have an early start in the morning.
Bottom line: Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On The Weekends is a creep. As much as I'd love to gather more ridiculous stories from him to share with you all, I'm worried that he would perceive my continued interest in meeting up with him as interest in partaking in his questionable decision-making processes, so in the interest of safety I have declined his invitation for a second date. Actually the way I did it was over text message this morning:
Him: "Btw...I would like to meet you again, sometime when you don't have work the next day..."
Me: (no response)
Him: "Did I scare you last night with my talks?"
Me: "Scared? No. Grossed out? Yes. Thanks for a creepy evening and plenty of material for my blog. Hope your day is going well!"
Too much? Eh, clearly this guy has no sense of boundaries in the first place. Though I expect he does have a "safe word," I didn't stick around long enough to find out what it is...
Admittedly, there is a lot of room for error in the way I'm approaching dating here. I'm starting to forget the various stories that I've told to each guy, and so worry about repeating myself. I'm losing track of who I've met on which site (Couch surfing or InterNations), and so yesterday Mr. Bollywood Heartthrob was asking me where I met the guy I went out with last night, and I said "Couch surfing...the same place I met you." He replies with "Actually you met me on InterNations." Whoops. Awkward. At least I didn't forget his name or something actually important, but it's still a bit embarrassing.
To keep track of all the information flying at me, I've created an Excel sheet for my dating life. Those of you who know my love for Excel will not be at all surprised by this. The sheet keeps track of key things like names, ages, places they live, their jobs, and various topics we've discussed. There's also a "verdict" column where I indicate whether I would agree to go out with the guy or not. The number of guys I've been conversing with is up to somewhere around 30 now, so I think you can all agree that my tracking sheet is necessary.
I'm being very straightforward in the way that I handle this "poly-amorous" (as one of my dates phrased it - hilarious) approach to dating. I make sure that each guy knows that I'm seeing other people, and surprisingly they all seem to be ok with it. Granted, I don't think any of them see long-term potential with me since they know I'm leaving soon, so instead of winning my heart, their focus becomes more about making sure to get enough time on my calendar, since they are competing for slots with the other guys I'm seeing.
I've been forced to institute a filtering process for deciding with whom to meet up. It's not very rigorous - after all, you can't tell much about chemistry or charm without meeting a person face-to-face. However I do have some loose criteria that a guy must meet before I agree to spend time with him. First, he has to pass the "smell" test. I look him up on LinkedIn and sometimes Facebook to confirm that his online presence mirrors what he's told me about himself. In one case, I'm pretty sure the guy is married because his Facebook profile is only a couple months old, he has 26 friends in total and 25 of them are cute females that I'm guessing he met on Couch surfing. Also the name on his Facebook profile is "Aviator Dinghy" but his real name is "Sanjay Kumar." Yeah...there's something fishy going on there, so I won't be meeting up with that guy. Second, he has to be cute. Sorry guys, but I have too many suitors to not screen by attractiveness. Third and finally, he has to have a good or interesting job. This has little to do with money (since I'm perfectly capable of paying my own way, thank you very much), but it's more to do with the job indicating the level of intellect and the quality of conversation that will come from the guy.
I have to admit that my screening process isn't foolproof. Last night is a perfect example. I went out with a guy, who I haven't yet mentioned on the blog, but let's call him Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On Weekends. The reason I give him this name is because the photos he sent me prior to meeting made him look very hip and metro, and it wouldn't take a giant imaginative leap to picture him imitating Jared Leto or Johnny Depp and wearing eyeliner as a fashion statement. Deciding to make the judgment for myself in person, I ran him through the checklist. First - his online presence matched up with what he told me. Second, he is an attractive guy. Finally, he has a good job - he heads the credit-risk group for one of the major banks here in Bombay. We chatted and texted for a couple days, and he seemed normal enough. He told me that he usually stays in on weeknights, so I honestly was expecting him to be kind of conservative and boring (except for the possible eyeliner habit). Boy, was I wrong.
Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On Weekends started off the night with one red flag, which should have warned me what was coming. He suggested going to a bar in Bandra called Lagerbay, mentioning "they have ladies night on Tuesdays so that should be fun." My general understanding of the concept of ladies night is that women come in for free or cheap drinks, and men come to the bar to hit on the women who are boozing. It doesn't exactly seem the right place to bring a date, don't you think? I shrugged it off and agreed to meet him there, since maybe it's just a fun crowd that caused him to make the suggestion. Once we're at the bar, though, it becomes obvious that he was indeed there to check out all the ladies in the place. He seated himself in a position where he could see every woman that walked into the bar, and he proceeded to give each of these lucky ladies the old up-and-down with his eyes as he's pretending to listen to my witty and charming anecdotes. I suppose I'm the luckiest lady of them all since I got to sit there for several hours enduring this rudeness.
He eventually does start focusing his gaze on me when the conversation turns from intellectual topics to scandalous ones. We start talking about my dating life and the adventures I've been experiencing by seeing multiple men here. My "keep everything casual" attitude seems to interest him - VERY much. I'm in the middle of telling him a story about one of my suitors (Mr. Harmless Sociopath) who was being a drama queen by intentionally trying to piss me off by asking me which of my friends he should ask out once I leave for the states. He wasn't actually serious about wanting to ask out my friends - he was just testing me to see what my reaction would be. My response to this question had been "Ask out whoever you want, just don't ask me to set you up with anyone. That's a little bit too much like a 70's key party for my taste..." Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On The Weekend then takes this statement and decides it's an appropriate segue to discussing some stories from his dating life - how he's a swinger. Yes, THAT kind of swinger.
I've never met anyone who so freely admitted to having this...um...adventurous (?) lifestyle, so I take the opportunity to ask him as many questions as I can imagine. How does one find people to swing with? Who is his partner that he takes to these events? How did he decide that it was something he wanted to try? How exactly do the logistics work? Nothing was off the table, since if this guy was going to share all the dirty details with me, I was certainly going to keep asking questions. After all - I have scores of people to entertain on my blog! I definitely didn't tell him I'd be posting any of this, though - thankfully he doesn't have the link.
It turns out that this guy swings with a female friend of his who is similarly adventurous. He just "had a thought" one day that it's something he might like to try, so he went online and found some websites that cater to this type of thing. He and his friend screened several couples - apparently it's ok to be choosy in this type of situation, and you need to make sure that all parties are attracted to each other before going through with it. His first experience was with a couple from Delhi who were in Mumbai on holiday - they were married 5 years and had decided to start experimenting with their bedroom lives. Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On The Weekends went with his "friend" to their hotel room and there they had their...adventure. Apparently strip poker is the easiest way to get the process started.
These revelations have me stunned - after all, he seemed like a boring banker with minimal social life. How did I end up hearing about sleeping with multiple partners at once? He looked so innocent and normal when I first met him - he was wearing his work clothes, including a tailored white button-down collared shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, which is my absolute favorite look on a guy. He drives a Prius - in India - for crying out loud! How did he end up being so...unconventional? I ask him if his friends or colleagues would believe any of these stories about him if they were to hear them through the grapevine, and he shook his head with a definitive no. "I can't tell anyone I'm close with about the stuff I do in the bedroom - they would judge me. You're a stranger and you're the only person I've told about the swinging except for the people I do it with, since you won't judge me." Sorry, buddy, but you need to revise your expectations: I'm DEFINITELY judging you right now...
Now, if you're thinking that the conversation can't get any worse, you'd be wrong. Once he's finished answering my questions about the whole swinging lifestyle, I ask him what the next adventure on the docket is for him. He then starts telling me how he wants to have a threesome and how his female swinger friend has agreed to be one participant, and he's found the third participant on one of his dirty websites. The surprise is that the third participant isn't a girl, it's a guy! Apparently the female involved would only agree to a threesome if it involved herself and two guys, and Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On The Weekends is so desperate to experience three people in bed at once that he is going along with it. He was quick to clarify that he's not bi - he won't be doing anything with the guy, just doing things to the girl at the same time as the other guy is as well.
And then, it happens. The conversation turns from being about him to being about me, and he starts trying to convince me that this swinging lifestyle is something that I should participate in as well. Apparently the threesome he's arranged was supposed to happen last week, but his female friend is travelling for work, and so he's looking for a replacement. It's around this point that I stop being entertained and start being really grossed out, so I finish my drink and tell him I need to go home because I have an early start in the morning.
Bottom line: Mr. Possibly Wears Eyeliner On The Weekends is a creep. As much as I'd love to gather more ridiculous stories from him to share with you all, I'm worried that he would perceive my continued interest in meeting up with him as interest in partaking in his questionable decision-making processes, so in the interest of safety I have declined his invitation for a second date. Actually the way I did it was over text message this morning:
Him: "Btw...I would like to meet you again, sometime when you don't have work the next day..."
Me: (no response)
Him: "Did I scare you last night with my talks?"
Me: "Scared? No. Grossed out? Yes. Thanks for a creepy evening and plenty of material for my blog. Hope your day is going well!"
Too much? Eh, clearly this guy has no sense of boundaries in the first place. Though I expect he does have a "safe word," I didn't stick around long enough to find out what it is...
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