The countdown is nearing its close - I'll be leaving Mumbai soon to travel and then go back to the states. To help ease the transition, I've made a list of the things that bug, irk, annoy, frustrate, agitate, perturb, provoke and/or vex me. Some of these will be familiar topics that I've spent many a blog post complaining about, but hopefully there will be something new and entertaining in the list for you regular readers out there...
Top 10 Things I WON'T Miss About Mumbai:
10. Mispronouncing people's names: There are so many beautiful names indigenous to this sub-continent. Many of my friends have these names that sound practically musical when you pronounce them correctly. Unfortunately the operative word there is "correctly." Much of the beauty of the pronunciation lies in rolling your R's or in choking on your vowels - noises that I am physically unable to execute with the requisite panache. I realized a while ago that I was using my German accent whenever I felt the need to sound more "foreign" in my pronunciation of a word. Note to self: German and Hindi are very very different languages...and you sound like an idiot.
9. Lack of spatial awareness: Something that really grinds my gears is the complete lack of awareness people here seem to have to how their corporeal presence affects those around them! I suppose I could excuse people standing too close for comfort in the elevator, but the behavior doesn't end there. People will be walking in a crowded area - the office canteen, for example - and they will just stop in the middle of a doorway or a busy pedestrian path and just stand there. Move out of the way, people! There were about 30 people directly behind you who are still trying to get through that door! Couldn't you have stopped once you're through the doorway and could find a place to get out of the flow of traffic?!? This happened to me just this morning as I was getting into the elevator - two guys stopped right in front of the open elevator doors to have a discussion over a thick binder. RIGHT in front of the open elevator door, blocking my entry into the elevator completely. I pushed past them, since that seems to be the Indian way to handle these situations. Maybe I'll start stopping at thresholds and planting myself with arms and legs outstretched and see how people react then. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em...right?
8. White pellets: There are these small white bead/pellet things that the staff in my apartment put EVERYWHERE. Apparently they're meant to control moisture and keep your clothes from getting moldy from all of the humidity around here. The issue with these things is that they smell awful! I open my closet and it smells like someone doused my clothing in paint thinner and WD-40 with a sprinkle of moth balls. Gag me. Now.
7. Crowds: It would be an understatement to say that Mumbai has a lot of people. They're everywhere, too - all of the sidewalks, parks, restaurants, buses, roads, and other public spaces are always filled with people. On the one hand, this large population gives Mumbai a lot of its character and energy. On the other, I'd like some breathing room, please! Last Friday night is a great example - we went out in Bandra for Ami's last day of work, and the bar we went to was so crowded that you couldn't dance, walk around, or even hold your drink without someone bumping into you and making you spill all over yourself. It took at least 20 minutes to get the attention of the bartender to get a drink once you'd spilled it, so people end up ordering large rounds to minimize the number of trips they have to make to the bar, which ends up making the wait time longer for all those that follow them. The air conditioner in the place was fighting a losing battle against the body heat generated by so many people crammed into a room, so everyone was sweaty and thirsty. And people consider this a fun night out?
6. Beggars: Yes there are a lot of people living in extreme poverty here, and yes some of them beg for money. I find myself to be a more likely target for their attentions, presumably due to my skin color, and I find it really really hard to say no to these people. I described in my post about poverty the reasons that I won't give money to beggars, but having reasons doesn't make it any easier to avoid eye contact when they're pleading with you that they're hungry.
5. Weather: Helllooooooooo monsoons! If it's not pouring down rain, it's so hot and humid that the ever-present mosquitoes stick to your skin when they bite you. Spending time outdoors when it's not raining will sometimes result in heat rashes, but don't worry - it will go away after a few days or weeks. Enjoy your hops, skips and jumps as you try to navigate down the street without stepping in some of the enormous puddles that don't ever seem to dry up and smell suspiciously like sewage. And when you're home? The humidity is so bad if the air conditioning isn't on that your floors are damp when you enter the house, and your mirrors and windows are fogged up. The only upside to the weather here? My hair has more volume than it ever has before. I think I'd rather have flat hair then deal with the weather here, though...
4. Traffic: Oh, if only I could describe the traffic here to you in a way that does it justice. Yes, traffic in other cities can be bad, but Mumbai does "bad traffic" with its own particular flair. Sometimes it takes 45 minutes to go a half a mile - which is annoying but basic in terms of the hassles posed by bad traffic. More colorful issues arise when the roads flood, and you feel like you're forging a river on the Oregon Trail just to get to the next intersection. How about all of the rickshaw drivers and motorcyclists on the streets who will swerve in front of you or to the side of you without any notice whatsoever, regardless of what the conditions of the road may be? Traffic is either slow as mud or as chaotic as Black Friday at Wal-Mart. There's no middle ground.
3. Sanitation: Things here are kind of...grimy. On the one hand, I'm not the biggest stickler for cleanliness, so I'm ok with dealing with some dirt here and there. However, after a while it's started to get to me. I'm excited to be back in the states where I don't have to wipe off the glasses at my restaurant table before drinking from them. I can't wait to spend entire days shoeless at my parents' respective lake houses. I will be able to order drinks with ice in them! Hooray for ice!
2. Getting ripped off: Whether it's cab drivers or scarf vendors, I know that the prices I'm paying for goods and services here are not the same prices that an Indian person would pay. I'm being taxed for being foreign, and for being white. The money itself isn't a big deal - the vendor may be overcharging me for a scarf by 40 cents, which is nothing in the grand scheme of my budget. However, the principle of the behavior is what really gets under my skin. Since when is it ok for people to incorporate racial bias into business transactions? Ok, I know I sound very naive by saying that - it happens all the time in every country in the world. But that still doesn't mean it's right!
1. Stares: People (mostly men) stare at me here. All. The. Time. I have to admit, I've gotten used to the stares - at least comparatively to a few months ago. Still, one of my least favorite things in the world is to be the center of attention. My wedding day will probably be the most stressful day of my life for me, since everyone will be looking at me. I can't wait to be just another white girl blending into the crowd in Chicago. If people stare, it won't be because of my skin color but because my socks don't match, or I have a thick layer of Tiki hair coating my clothing. Those types of stares I can deal with :)
0. Indian telecom: Ok so I may be cheating and making this a list of 11 instead of 10, but I can't wait to get back to the states where bandwidth is bountiful. Vodafone is quite possibly the least helpful telecom company I've ever come across in my travels - and I've been to a lot of places! They took forever to approve my SIM card, call me and text me way more often than is necessary with duplicative or sometimes contradictory information, and sell my phone number to companies who text me and call me trying to sell me stuff. How rude! The network drops every single phone call I make - at least once throughout the course of a conversation. Forget about talking on the phone while in a moving car because your call will drop every time you enter the range of a new cell tower. I've been sooo close to throwing my phone out the window more times than I can count. It would be quite satisfying, really. But...I need to plan something that would hurt Vodafone itself rather than the innocent hardware used as the tool of its malfeasance. Suggestions welcome.
Top 10 Things I WON'T Miss About Mumbai:
10. Mispronouncing people's names: There are so many beautiful names indigenous to this sub-continent. Many of my friends have these names that sound practically musical when you pronounce them correctly. Unfortunately the operative word there is "correctly." Much of the beauty of the pronunciation lies in rolling your R's or in choking on your vowels - noises that I am physically unable to execute with the requisite panache. I realized a while ago that I was using my German accent whenever I felt the need to sound more "foreign" in my pronunciation of a word. Note to self: German and Hindi are very very different languages...and you sound like an idiot.
9. Lack of spatial awareness: Something that really grinds my gears is the complete lack of awareness people here seem to have to how their corporeal presence affects those around them! I suppose I could excuse people standing too close for comfort in the elevator, but the behavior doesn't end there. People will be walking in a crowded area - the office canteen, for example - and they will just stop in the middle of a doorway or a busy pedestrian path and just stand there. Move out of the way, people! There were about 30 people directly behind you who are still trying to get through that door! Couldn't you have stopped once you're through the doorway and could find a place to get out of the flow of traffic?!? This happened to me just this morning as I was getting into the elevator - two guys stopped right in front of the open elevator doors to have a discussion over a thick binder. RIGHT in front of the open elevator door, blocking my entry into the elevator completely. I pushed past them, since that seems to be the Indian way to handle these situations. Maybe I'll start stopping at thresholds and planting myself with arms and legs outstretched and see how people react then. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em...right?
8. White pellets: There are these small white bead/pellet things that the staff in my apartment put EVERYWHERE. Apparently they're meant to control moisture and keep your clothes from getting moldy from all of the humidity around here. The issue with these things is that they smell awful! I open my closet and it smells like someone doused my clothing in paint thinner and WD-40 with a sprinkle of moth balls. Gag me. Now.
7. Crowds: It would be an understatement to say that Mumbai has a lot of people. They're everywhere, too - all of the sidewalks, parks, restaurants, buses, roads, and other public spaces are always filled with people. On the one hand, this large population gives Mumbai a lot of its character and energy. On the other, I'd like some breathing room, please! Last Friday night is a great example - we went out in Bandra for Ami's last day of work, and the bar we went to was so crowded that you couldn't dance, walk around, or even hold your drink without someone bumping into you and making you spill all over yourself. It took at least 20 minutes to get the attention of the bartender to get a drink once you'd spilled it, so people end up ordering large rounds to minimize the number of trips they have to make to the bar, which ends up making the wait time longer for all those that follow them. The air conditioner in the place was fighting a losing battle against the body heat generated by so many people crammed into a room, so everyone was sweaty and thirsty. And people consider this a fun night out?
6. Beggars: Yes there are a lot of people living in extreme poverty here, and yes some of them beg for money. I find myself to be a more likely target for their attentions, presumably due to my skin color, and I find it really really hard to say no to these people. I described in my post about poverty the reasons that I won't give money to beggars, but having reasons doesn't make it any easier to avoid eye contact when they're pleading with you that they're hungry.
5. Weather: Helllooooooooo monsoons! If it's not pouring down rain, it's so hot and humid that the ever-present mosquitoes stick to your skin when they bite you. Spending time outdoors when it's not raining will sometimes result in heat rashes, but don't worry - it will go away after a few days or weeks. Enjoy your hops, skips and jumps as you try to navigate down the street without stepping in some of the enormous puddles that don't ever seem to dry up and smell suspiciously like sewage. And when you're home? The humidity is so bad if the air conditioning isn't on that your floors are damp when you enter the house, and your mirrors and windows are fogged up. The only upside to the weather here? My hair has more volume than it ever has before. I think I'd rather have flat hair then deal with the weather here, though...
4. Traffic: Oh, if only I could describe the traffic here to you in a way that does it justice. Yes, traffic in other cities can be bad, but Mumbai does "bad traffic" with its own particular flair. Sometimes it takes 45 minutes to go a half a mile - which is annoying but basic in terms of the hassles posed by bad traffic. More colorful issues arise when the roads flood, and you feel like you're forging a river on the Oregon Trail just to get to the next intersection. How about all of the rickshaw drivers and motorcyclists on the streets who will swerve in front of you or to the side of you without any notice whatsoever, regardless of what the conditions of the road may be? Traffic is either slow as mud or as chaotic as Black Friday at Wal-Mart. There's no middle ground.
3. Sanitation: Things here are kind of...grimy. On the one hand, I'm not the biggest stickler for cleanliness, so I'm ok with dealing with some dirt here and there. However, after a while it's started to get to me. I'm excited to be back in the states where I don't have to wipe off the glasses at my restaurant table before drinking from them. I can't wait to spend entire days shoeless at my parents' respective lake houses. I will be able to order drinks with ice in them! Hooray for ice!
2. Getting ripped off: Whether it's cab drivers or scarf vendors, I know that the prices I'm paying for goods and services here are not the same prices that an Indian person would pay. I'm being taxed for being foreign, and for being white. The money itself isn't a big deal - the vendor may be overcharging me for a scarf by 40 cents, which is nothing in the grand scheme of my budget. However, the principle of the behavior is what really gets under my skin. Since when is it ok for people to incorporate racial bias into business transactions? Ok, I know I sound very naive by saying that - it happens all the time in every country in the world. But that still doesn't mean it's right!
1. Stares: People (mostly men) stare at me here. All. The. Time. I have to admit, I've gotten used to the stares - at least comparatively to a few months ago. Still, one of my least favorite things in the world is to be the center of attention. My wedding day will probably be the most stressful day of my life for me, since everyone will be looking at me. I can't wait to be just another white girl blending into the crowd in Chicago. If people stare, it won't be because of my skin color but because my socks don't match, or I have a thick layer of Tiki hair coating my clothing. Those types of stares I can deal with :)
0. Indian telecom: Ok so I may be cheating and making this a list of 11 instead of 10, but I can't wait to get back to the states where bandwidth is bountiful. Vodafone is quite possibly the least helpful telecom company I've ever come across in my travels - and I've been to a lot of places! They took forever to approve my SIM card, call me and text me way more often than is necessary with duplicative or sometimes contradictory information, and sell my phone number to companies who text me and call me trying to sell me stuff. How rude! The network drops every single phone call I make - at least once throughout the course of a conversation. Forget about talking on the phone while in a moving car because your call will drop every time you enter the range of a new cell tower. I've been sooo close to throwing my phone out the window more times than I can count. It would be quite satisfying, really. But...I need to plan something that would hurt Vodafone itself rather than the innocent hardware used as the tool of its malfeasance. Suggestions welcome.
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