White, American, Female

While my time here has been superlative in so many ways, there are quite a few frustrations that I have encountered.  Most of them are things I can laugh off - the ridiculous bureaucracy in getting a SIM card, people's casual relationship with their watches, and the lack of numbered street addresses come to mind as a few examples.  However, some are getting on my nerves in a way that I'm finding more difficult to laugh off, and most of these I can trace to the fact that I'm a triple minority here - white, American, and female. 

I suppose I knew what I was getting into before I came here - I knew that I would be treated as foreign during my time here.  The last time I was here, my (similarly white American female) friend Barbara and I went to the zoo in Delhi and dubbed ourselves "the traveling exhibit" because Indian zoo-goers would stop staring at the animals and just stare at us while we were there.  Maybe I overestimated my ability to deal with being treated differently, or maybe my memory had whitewashed what it felt like since I had been here last, but I'm finding myself more and more frustrated with this crap, and feel the need to vent.  So please forgive my ranting and raving - apologies to those who don't find this stuff interesting.

First, I don't speak Hindi.  Of course it is natural for people here to speak Hindi to each other, regardless of whether I'm around or not.  My problem comes along when they are OBVIOUSLY speaking about me and don't bother switching to English so that I can understand what they're saying.  Either they are saying something that I wouldn't want to hear, or they don't think my input or inclusion in the conversation is necessary because I'm not important enough to matter.  Thankfully this is one thing I can control - I can learn Hindi, after all - but I'm not sure I can learn it well enough in my time here to really conquer this issue. 

Second - as a white person, people stare at me.  ALL THE TIME.  Staring isn't considered rude here - it's culturally accepted - so I know that they're not trying to freak me out.  However, there have been times when I feel completely out of place and even at times threatened by the staring.  This weekend I went out to a bar Roopam, who is a friend of my friend Johanne, and his roommate.  There was an outdoor area with tables and chairs, and then inside the bar had a dance floor, bar area, etc.  We walked into the bar area and suddenly all eyes were on me.  I don't like being the center of attention at times when I'm surrounded by people I know and love, so imagine my horror at feeling like a spotlight was on me in this situation!  I was so thankful that I had two guys with me because otherwise I know that some guys would have approached me and made it even more uncomfortable. 

Another issue with being white here is that I know I'm getting ripped off all the time, and there's nothing I can do to stop it.  That same night at the bar, I wanted to go home early because I wasn't very comfortable with the surroundings.  Roopam approached a cluster of tuk-tuks to negotiate a price for them to drop me off at the hotel and then go home.  I started walking toward the tuk-tuks with Roopam, and his roommate told me to stay back.  My mere presence with Roopam would make the price be doubled, he said, so it's better for Roopam to agree to a price with the guy first and then to show the driver that a white woman will be a passenger.  How frustrating!   Similarly, on my ride home from the airport to my apartment in Mumbai last night, I used a pre-paid taxi from the airport.  I gave the guy at the taxi counter my address, told him the route I'd like to take (which involves going over a toll bridge), and paid for the entire journey all at once.  I then bring the receipt of this purchase to the driver, who now knows where to take me.  However, when the driver arrives at the toll booth before entering the bridge, he turns to me and asks me for money to pay the toll.  I know I had already paid this - it said so on his receipt!  However, he had all the leverage, since there was no way we could back up, and he didn't speak English very well, so he just kept asking me for 50 rupees or else I wouldn't get home.  I swallowed my protests and paid the money (about $1 equivalent), but am so annoyed because of the principle of the thing!  I know that he just pocketed the extra money but I have no way to communicate that frustration appropriately.  I know that I just have to accept the fact that I'm being fleeced for money while I'm over here, but I would appreciate it more if I were ignorant of the fact when it was actually happening.  Another example of this would be my ride from the Jaipur airport to my hotel on Friday.  They charged me 450 rupees, which is by far the most expensive taxi ride I've had in India.  I asked Roopam on Saturday what he would pay for a taxi from the airport to my hotel, and he said about 100 rupees.  Frustrating.  On the return journey to the airport from my hotel last night, I asked for a metered fare, and it came to 220 rupees.  I know that drivers can change their meter rates on the machine, and I'm pretty sure that's what the guy did (or maybe his meter was just conveniently "broken").  I know this is not a lot of money to me, and it is a lot of money to them, but I disagree with the principle of someone taking advantage of me.  These dollar amounts are not worth making a fuss over, since who knows what new issues might arise from that, but it still grinds my gears to no end.

Finally, as a female, I'm tired of men acting like it's ok to objectify me.  There are times when men make no attempt to hide the fact that they're staring at my female assets.  Staring at my face is one thing, but please try to keep your gaze above the neck!  The worst was last night in the cab from my hotel to the airport in Jaipur.  When I get in the cab, the driver asks "oh it's just you?  only one?" - this made me nervous from the beginning.  He then starts casually asking me questions as he's driving.  Where are you from?  What is your name?  How old are you?  Did you like Jaipur?  Then it gets uncomfortable - he asks "are you married?"  I immediately say yes, and subtly switch a ring from my right hand to my left hand in case he bothers to check.  He then starts talking about how beautiful a city Jaipur is, but I'm a beautiful woman that is much prettier than the city, blah blah blah.  I'm feeling incredibly uncomfortable at this moment and am developing an escape plan in case he were to do anything that made me feel physically threatened instead of just objectified and oogled.  I enter in the emergency phone number for the police in my phone and have my hand on the "call" button the rest of the ride.  I'm trying to be very alert to signs pointing to the airport, so that I can ensure that he is actually taking me in the right direction.  Thankfully he takes me straight there, and tries to give me his phone number so that I can call him the next time I'm in town.  I get out of the cab in a hurry and don't look back.  Apparently this is acceptable behavior here - UGH.

I don't want any of you to misunderstand me - I know that there are people out there who are treated far worse than I can even imagine, that make my frustrations here pale by comparison.  However, this is one of the first times that I've spent a lot of time in a place where I am a conspicuous minority, and I think it's ok to allow myself to be frustrated with being treated differently.  I'm not here to change India's culture but to learn about it, and perhaps I should be taking the perspective that this is all a great lesson for me to learn.  I aspire to treat everyone equally in my dealings with people - no matter what their background, ethnicity, religion, or sex may be.  It's easier said than done, but hopefully my experiences here will allow me to be more equanimous and fair in my treatment of others.

Thanks for reading my rant - I feel better now :)