Sometime last weekend, I decided to take my adventures here to the next level. No, I'm not going bungee jumping or skydiving (or at least not yet), but I did decide to see what the dating scene here is like. Before anyone freaks out (or Chris Kohler starts going around telling everyone that he was right and that I'm going to come back married) - I have already promised my mom that I will not fall in love here and move to the other side of the world for a guy (again). This is an experiment - just one more way that I'm trying to get the most out of my experiences here. After all, what better way to get to know a culture than to date people within it?
I have a few notions about how dating is going to be different here than in the US, although they are all founded in stereotypes rather than fact. Will the men be more egotistical, macho, and possibly misogynistic? Will they expect me to be a docile, obsequious, subservient female to their domineering male personalities? Will they treat me as an equal? Is my intellect and ambition an attractive quality here or the opposite? How does me being white factor into men's views of me as a potential date? I don't know the answers to these questions, and I'm guessing that they will vary along with each man I meet. However, I think it's a worthwhile experiment to attempt during my short time here. I'm not looking for the man of my dreams - instead I'm looking to learn more about male/female relationships in this culture. Plus hopefully I'll have some fun along the way :)
My first challenge was in figuring out how to approach this - how to signal to the "market" that I'm available. Of course there's the traditional way of meeting people that worked for Jen, Megan, and even me in the past - going out to bars/clubs and chatting up a stranger. I'm of course open to meeting someone that way, but I've found that the men here aren't very forward in approaching me and talking to me without an introduction. The ones that do approach me in these situations are not guys I would want to spend time with, so that leaves me with few viable options. Another approach would be to meet someone through a friend - this is definitely a possibility, but I also don't want to risk messing up the friendships that I'm making by obviously hinting that I'm interested in dating one of them. Maybe I'm just not smooth enough to make it work - but if any of my guy friends are interested in me as more than a friend, I hope they'll be the one to make their intentions known. That leaves me with the nontraditional route. I asked my friends whether dating sites were popular here, and they all responded that those sites are sketchy, that the quality of people you would meet on them is not high, so it's not worth your time. I'm wondering if that has something to do with the presence of "matrimony" sites in this country - perhaps matrimony sites are the ones that the quality people go to when they're looking for a serious relationship, leaving the dating sites to be populated by people only looking for a hookup. Interestingly enough, however, there is a class of websites that are used for dating here, even though their explicit mission/purpose does not revolve around romantic relationships. These are sites designed for people to meet up with others who have common interests - such as the expat site I joined at Ami's suggestion last week, called InterNations. This is an invite-only site to be used by expats. The site arranges outings and events, and you can also send private messages to people asking to connect or meet up in a given city. It turns out that people also use this site for meeting people to date! Since I joined, I've been getting multiple messages daily from men interested in getting to know more about me, take me out to coffee, etc. I've asked around, and apparently this is the best option around for internet-arranged interactions on the romantic scale. I decided to dive right in and start replying to these men - we'll see what comes of it.
Last night I had my first date generated by InterNations. I had emailed and chatted with the guy for a few days, and he seemed nice and normal enough, so I agreed to meet up with him for a drink. I had no expectations coming into the date - or rather no idea of what to expect, so I went in with an open mind. Surprisingly, the date went well! He turned out to be a nice guy, and we have quite a bit in common (considering how different our backgrounds are). He's an IIT grad, worked at P&G for a while before launching his own startup. It's entirely possible that he could read this blog entry at some point, so I won't provide a detailed debrief. If you're interested in hearing more, send me an email.
Anyway, I'm going to continue to explore the dating scene while I'm here. I have no intention of getting myself into a serious relationship or even an exclusive one, but I figure it is a fun way to meet new people, see different parts of the city, learn something about the culture I'm in, and even learn something about myself. For the worriers out there, please know that I am being safe and am not putting myself in a situation where I might get kidnapped, roofied, or worse. Dating here isn't materially more dangerous or risky than dating in the states, so I will continue to do what I always do in terms of ensuring my safety. If anything were to happen, you can all take comfort in knowing that Dad has Eric Prince's number on speed dial...(kidding...sort of).
I have a few notions about how dating is going to be different here than in the US, although they are all founded in stereotypes rather than fact. Will the men be more egotistical, macho, and possibly misogynistic? Will they expect me to be a docile, obsequious, subservient female to their domineering male personalities? Will they treat me as an equal? Is my intellect and ambition an attractive quality here or the opposite? How does me being white factor into men's views of me as a potential date? I don't know the answers to these questions, and I'm guessing that they will vary along with each man I meet. However, I think it's a worthwhile experiment to attempt during my short time here. I'm not looking for the man of my dreams - instead I'm looking to learn more about male/female relationships in this culture. Plus hopefully I'll have some fun along the way :)
My first challenge was in figuring out how to approach this - how to signal to the "market" that I'm available. Of course there's the traditional way of meeting people that worked for Jen, Megan, and even me in the past - going out to bars/clubs and chatting up a stranger. I'm of course open to meeting someone that way, but I've found that the men here aren't very forward in approaching me and talking to me without an introduction. The ones that do approach me in these situations are not guys I would want to spend time with, so that leaves me with few viable options. Another approach would be to meet someone through a friend - this is definitely a possibility, but I also don't want to risk messing up the friendships that I'm making by obviously hinting that I'm interested in dating one of them. Maybe I'm just not smooth enough to make it work - but if any of my guy friends are interested in me as more than a friend, I hope they'll be the one to make their intentions known. That leaves me with the nontraditional route. I asked my friends whether dating sites were popular here, and they all responded that those sites are sketchy, that the quality of people you would meet on them is not high, so it's not worth your time. I'm wondering if that has something to do with the presence of "matrimony" sites in this country - perhaps matrimony sites are the ones that the quality people go to when they're looking for a serious relationship, leaving the dating sites to be populated by people only looking for a hookup. Interestingly enough, however, there is a class of websites that are used for dating here, even though their explicit mission/purpose does not revolve around romantic relationships. These are sites designed for people to meet up with others who have common interests - such as the expat site I joined at Ami's suggestion last week, called InterNations. This is an invite-only site to be used by expats. The site arranges outings and events, and you can also send private messages to people asking to connect or meet up in a given city. It turns out that people also use this site for meeting people to date! Since I joined, I've been getting multiple messages daily from men interested in getting to know more about me, take me out to coffee, etc. I've asked around, and apparently this is the best option around for internet-arranged interactions on the romantic scale. I decided to dive right in and start replying to these men - we'll see what comes of it.
Last night I had my first date generated by InterNations. I had emailed and chatted with the guy for a few days, and he seemed nice and normal enough, so I agreed to meet up with him for a drink. I had no expectations coming into the date - or rather no idea of what to expect, so I went in with an open mind. Surprisingly, the date went well! He turned out to be a nice guy, and we have quite a bit in common (considering how different our backgrounds are). He's an IIT grad, worked at P&G for a while before launching his own startup. It's entirely possible that he could read this blog entry at some point, so I won't provide a detailed debrief. If you're interested in hearing more, send me an email.
Anyway, I'm going to continue to explore the dating scene while I'm here. I have no intention of getting myself into a serious relationship or even an exclusive one, but I figure it is a fun way to meet new people, see different parts of the city, learn something about the culture I'm in, and even learn something about myself. For the worriers out there, please know that I am being safe and am not putting myself in a situation where I might get kidnapped, roofied, or worse. Dating here isn't materially more dangerous or risky than dating in the states, so I will continue to do what I always do in terms of ensuring my safety. If anything were to happen, you can all take comfort in knowing that Dad has Eric Prince's number on speed dial...(kidding...sort of).
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